I know who I am when I am alone, far from invasive lectures and agenda laden questions that cross personal boundaries. This last year has let me experience the juxtaposition of loneliness and profound time alone, that is a dance of emptiness and openness with neither leading or following, only offering sacred silence. I chose to tune out the swirling judgments,and wild accusations, letting my personal journey lead me away from recriminations and aggrandizing myths.
And yet, lectures seem to follow me and judgments haunt my path as if I am trapped in a classroom full of assessments and evaluations. I wonder if this is a misguided effort to connect and bond as if imposing values and beliefs on me will make us comrades in a frightening world. Lectures can be hierarchal charades demanding obedience or stir a craving for more. However, we deliver pompous soliloquies to those we are sure are wrong, or less informed, or less important, leaving a feeling of denigration rather than inspiration.
What is it about my deep sense of inner presence that frightens people around me, driving them to deliver uninvited sermons and unwelcome instructions? Perhaps my sacred is too seductive, calling people to journey into the unknown. Igniting their own renaissance of spirit .