Weary of Hiding

I am weary of hiding my deepest self so I can be acceptable to people who do not value me. We spend most of our time at work with those we do not love, and who do not love us. And to survive we wrap our deep true self in a robe of raw silk, and hide it somewhere safe. Somewhere it cannot be damaged or abused. Perhaps we take out this sacred bundle on vacation and try to live our true self for a week. But then we must face the pain of forcing ourselves back into some uncomfortable mold.

At some point this pattern became more than I could bear, so I dyed my hair blue and shifted my clothing to match a bit more of my true self. But in the end, once I had built financial security, I walked away from a career that was too binding and limiting. It took some time to find that sacred bundle I had hidden so well, but find it I did. I caressed and hugged each almost forgotten trait as it slipped out into my hands and heart. I embraced and owned my sensuality, passion, eroticism, and wild seductive gypsy core.

And once again I found myself laughing at those who wished to tame me, who “mansplain” or “boss-splain” or “for-your-own-benefit-splain” my life to me, who judged me from the safety of their own fears and weakness. These are not lighthouses protecting me from rocky shoals, or buoys guiding me through a channel. These are lying harpies attempting to keep me tied to a dock of docile domestication. But my ship was built to sail in wild seas and tempestuous winds. For that is where true joy is found.



2 thoughts on “Weary of Hiding

  1. But I sense you still find the need and capability to tack your way around, through, and at times, over life’s rougher waters… to the deeper smooth depths of personal awareness. I personally find the desire to find the smaller coves of life now, becoming less concerned with the bigger waters, enabling me to see even more of the beauty of what is right in front of me.

    1. Thank you Chuck. I always love your perspective.

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