We are in the season of Passover, the celebration of the Jews walking from the narrow place of slavery into the wide expanse of freedom, a journey from following the rules given us towards personal responsibility. Each year we are challenged to walk past our own limits and fears into the startling brightness of awareness. This year has been a transformational challenge, my heart and eyes opening to the brilliance of freedom from old judgments and condemnations; a journey filled with tears, self-condemnation, and hopefully forgiveness.
The open desert has no walls, no boundaries, and is magically seductive. I am almost blinded by the sun reflecting off the white sand, craving the new sensual experiences surrounding me. However, true freedom demands intimate soul boundaries.
Several weeks ago I made the mistake of listening to whispers in the desert, ignoring my heart, and was married at first sight to a rescue dog. The seductive words around me assured me that this dog was wonderful and needed someone like me, and I chose, freely chose, those voices over the messages from my heart. She is a wonderful dog, but she is not my dog, something I knew all along. And yet, I chose poorly.
After two days of sobbing through conversations with friends and experts, I made the decision to honor my soul’s wisdom and dissolve this relationship, sending the wonderful dog forward toward the partner she is meant to find while I search for a way to forgive myself. Perhaps this is the first lesson of freedom, that our soul’s wisdom is our personal oasis in the desert.
Your message today reminded me of this: “Forgiveness is really about absolution: to set free. But if you look carefully at the dynamic, the one you’re setting free is yourself.” ― Darrell Calkins. Thank you for your writing and thoughts.
A tough decision that you made with love and compassion. Thanks for sharing your soul journey and opening yourself to honest vulnerability.