It was during the Jewish high holidays, when I was dancing to the prayers, outside in the mountain air, that I decided to call out for guidance. While I do know that many events in my life have been divine and that I have more than once been saved by the hand of Hashem (one of the ways Jews refer to G-d), I am not sure if spirit guides or angels are actually real. At least for me.
Once, years ago, I visited a powerful healer who called in my spirit guides for support. I felt the energy of something, or someone, mystical surrounding me, and then leaving. The healer told me that my guides had said I was not allowed to receive information this way. Another time I worked with an individual trained to visit the Akashic records for guidance. He told me that a swirling guide gave him my book, but parts of it were sealed and that this was something I had chosen to do before I was born. The last time I was able to receive a clear message was decades ago after I came very close (as in a few hours) to dying. My guides told me that they had not expected me to survive, and then slowly faded away.
So, I really do not know what to believe, except that my path does not align with any new-age mystical or shamanic protocol. Perhaps I am meant to sail in wild seas without navigational gear or to follow my own star. Or perhaps I need to sensually align with the nuanced messages that fill me and surround me.
In the middle of that mountain dance, holding my prayer shawl over my head, I felt my heels tingle as if something was nipping me, driving me forward. Like my Newfoundland pup directing me from behind. I started to laugh at the image of spirit dogs confidently herding me forward and acting as my compass. I still have no idea where I am heading, but the message is clearly “keep going.”