Something is happening to my heart. Not the physical organ that beats quite regularly, but my spiritual, emotional heart. It seems to be opening. I don’t know when it closed. It must have happened slowly, perhaps unperceptively through time, judgments, and betrayals. It was open when I was younger, ready for new adventures and experiences. I loved fully and deeply, and was moved by music, nature, books, and learning. A warm wind could set my heart aflame. And the sea spoke to me in rhythm and rhyme (she still does). And then I found that open hearts are not rewarded. Nor are wild-haired women who walk the beaches at random hours.
Why my heart hardened would be a long and boring tale. It is the softening that is amazing. It is not something that can be explained by psychological theories or therapies. I have not suddenly resolved past traumas or healed my emotional wounds. This is something deeper that moves like a silent prehistoric whale, whose ancient song echoes in my soul. Perhaps the vibrations are reverberating in my heart, softening the protective covering that once kept me safe.
And now, at times, I am flooded with a love that sweeps through me like a tsunami, washing away all thought and rationality. There are no words to match the feelings, at least none that I dare to speak. When the feelings recede, I am left with a yearning for romance and tender words.
It seems the planets have aligned to shift my soul, to open my heart without my knowledge or consult. I am not sure I would have approved if asked. A closed heart is safer, able to deny any sadness or loneliness within, able to ignore emptiness disguised as anger. Regardless of my fears, my heart is opening, and a new type of love is flowing in. This is more than a new chapter in an old book; it is rather a story yet to be written.