Apologies

Sometimes, saying I am sorry feels almost impossible. Maybe we are frightened to admit that we were wrong, or afraid that the other person will be unable to forgive us. Some of us may have been forced to apologize for actions that were not our fault, or even our doing. Or, we know that someone will hold this against us, using an apology to throw us under the proverbial bus at a later date.

While I have experienced all of these reactions, I still believe in the power of apologizing. When I was an Academic Dean, I would often state that I was more than willing to be held 100% responsible for some mistake and to apologize for it, if it allowed the group to stop searching for who to blame and move on to solutions. The first time I did this, there was dead silence in the room until someone quietly said, “It could not have been your fault, so I will also take the blame and apologize.” The group immediately moved on to solutions.

It is the time of year when the Jewish tradition provides us with the same opportunity to apologize even if we are not sure that we are to blame. We do this not to “repent” but to come back to our true and best self. We clear away old grudges by forgiving others, hoping they will also forgive us. 

We are not required to atone, but to move into at-one-ment with ourselves and in our relationship to others, including with spirit, which I call Hashem. 

So, if I have in any way let you down, not been there when you needed me, hurt your feelings, or in some other way caused us to be at odds with each other, I apologize. Know that you have done nothing to hurt me. 

May you be blessed with a good and sweet year.