This morning while hiking a Colorado trail I was overwhelmed by the incredible changes in my life, wondering how I can possibly deserve to be so blessed. The last several years have been a struggle for everyone, including me, and yet every ending has led to a vibrant beginning.  When my career abruptly ended without any opportunity for redemption, I had the opportunity to launch a new and exciting one. Effortlessly, learning, teaching, and leadership opportunities have presented themselves, providing me with opportunities for growth and a sense of meaning.

And, most amazingly, when I was profoundly lonely and had resigned myself to emptiness, my heart was filled with love. Honestly, I had not just given up, but was sure that I was undeserving, or perhaps, too good at making bad choices. This story starts with a disastrous first date that for the most part was due to my fears of repeating old mistakes, or perhaps my inability to see passed what I thought I wanted or what love would look like. Somehow he has a heart courageous enough to persevere in the face of my insouciance.

I am still not sure why I am so blessed, why I have been given so many gifts. Perhaps when I stopped pushing to make things happen, synchronicity flowed in. Maybe when I stopped justifying the lies and betrayals of others, my boundaries grew strong enough to hold miracles. Perhaps giving up trying to manifest a specific life, allowed me to seduce life into my empty spaces. Possibly I have been given second chances because I value them so greatly, and understand that each gift begets responsibility and commitment, which I joyfully accept.

3 thoughts on “Wondering

  1. You manifested it and claimed the blessings ❤️

  2. So happy for your happiness!

  3. I loved this testament to synchronicity… you don’t get there by accident! You truly have walked through the fire and emerged anew. My experience is my own, but similar in many ways, and I innerstand the significance, and magnificence, of it all. Yay you! 🤸‍♀️

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