I am not where I ever imagined myself to be. It is as if I have sailed into unmapped seas full of wild unknown beasts that might love and adore me. Or devour me. Perhaps both simultaneously. After a life lived on wild seas I am not sure what to expect, or what my soul desires. I have learned that quartering winds are often safer than sheltered coves. There is a warning bell in my soul, alerting me to the danger is often disguised as safety, and hidden in seemingly loving havens.
But now safety and adventure seem to dance together without trepidation or deception, and I am learning to navigate honesty and trust. Every night I wonder why I have chosen this path. Or perhaps the path has chosen me and is leading me deliciously astray, into a world full of new wonders, escapades, and moments of joy. And maybe that is my only task, to emerge from the walls I built to protect my heart so that I can breathe in wild passion and joy.
That is who I was always meant to be, and in many ways, I held on to this part of my soul through all the detours and collisions and unexpected pivots. Each time this part of me emerged I knew I was ready to move on to another journey. The clothes I started wearing, the colored streaks I put in my hair, and the creative ideas I presented were warnings that I had outgrown an old environment and needed to jump into the unknown. And each time either I made the choice to leave or the universe made it for me.
But now I am in an unknown place aware that running away is not the best option. I am not out of alignment, contained within a limiting loop, or constrained by outmoded assumptions. Just me, alone, throwing away my navigational gear and venturing into wildness.
Life on the Loose